notes from a tired sort of day

Something sort of came upon me today, a mix of rememberances of things that have mattered to me and a recognition of having been through enough to have less of my old distractions. I framed it all through the fact that I'm nearly not 26 anymore, and so what was 26 like for me? There's been quite a bit of 'great' to it, but quite a bit of 'sad' to it, as well. For as much as I've gained this past living year in movement towards better, there has been a significant amount of letting go those things that previously pulled me through. I think this is appropriate in growth, however, as there must be room made for the new (although I must admit I'm feeling like my life is a bit too spacious at times; some of the non-progress portions of my year speak to this).

I spent my thinking time today sort of framing where I've been this past year through some of the music and playlists I've listened to. The music has changed quite a bit from this time last year, and while perhaps not for the happier, certainly for the wiser. I consider revisiting a song a success when I get more out of it (and this applies to books, movies, and otherwise), and I was able to see many of the perspectives I have gained this year through revisting music. I have aged, but more importantly, I think I have continued to grow.

I could say something like 'I'm not there yet' but there is no 'there' anymore. There is only the going and the commitment to it.

That said, I'm looking forward to 'next'. 'Next' will hopefully arrive with new ways to fill in the open spaces in my life, to places where this aim of growth will both contribute to and gain fuel from. I suppose that would be my birthday candle wish (but don't tell anyone), to enter the great unknown of 'next' and find blessings both sought and unexpected.

This was originally going to be all about music, but I think my mind is too tired for writing it out. One of those things better talked about after the sound can be shared. I'll say this, though: right now there's a cat on my arm, and part of my dinner was toastered frozen homemade waffles with thawed hood strawberry sauce. Not bad for a Thursday.

--lotte--